Nite in Toronto

I wrote the lines below on a lonesome night in Toronto, in a mood.

Driving home I was wondering if they were too negative.

Wondering if what was “true” one night, one situation, wasn’t true at
all.

Wondering, too, just who exactly cares about how the hell I’m feeling,
what the hell I think.

Wondering about adding to the noise out there.

Wondering about the hypocrisy of writing about “all the noise out there”
when, in fact, I’m just adding to it.

Wondering about the end of an era, where I go from here, what to do.

Wondering about pulling the plug on drool.

Wondering.

Not that that (wondering) is alien to drool. I’m full of confusion and don’t
mind admitting it. In fact it seems to be part and parcel of my process.

I am willing (and able) to embrace the contradictions in my life and my
thoughts.

Besides, I really only do this (drool) for selfish reasons anyway. Same
reason I take pictures.

Like I say, this, for me, feels like the end of an era. I’m left wondering. I
will wonder here.

THOUGHTS FROM A CELL IN TORONTO

I like small, sort of cheesy, hotels. Not for me the ritzy, luxe ones, or the
designer ones either.

I write this from the HoJo in Toronto, on Roncesvalles. Small room, bad
service, left alone. Suits me.

It’s like a little cell and I’m cosy here.

View of front desk

View from the window

View from the landing

View of the room

Toronto, as usual, is full of sights to see and by that I mean a
seething mass of humanity. I don’t shoot it because I’m not the
type to just bang off some frames and say they are something.
I see people and situations all around me, in the dynamic of this
city, that turn me on, seem ripe for the foto-picking. But to do
them justice, to shoot them in a way that would satisfy me, make
me believe I’m not just adding to the general foto-noise is not my
mission here and now.

There are those who would whip out their iPhone and snap away,
maybe even get a swell frame or 2 or 3. I’m not that kind. Not the
kind who thinks that the best camera is the one you have with you,
not the kind who wants to take and post fotos of what I had for
dinner or some stupid detail that catches my fancy but is really
nothing but some stupid thing that catches my fancy. Small talk.

You might ask: “Well Tony, what are those fotos there at the top
of this post? And you’d be right. What are they?

Noise and illustrations, shape and form and color to break up the
text.

(PART OF) WHAT I BELIEVE

I was dipping in to Jacques Barzun’s book: From Dawn to Decadence
(1500 to the Present, 500 Years of Western Cultural Life), when I came
across his short but succinct precis of the philosophy of Friedrich
Nietzsche.

Now Mr. Nietzsche is much maligned, and sometimes rightly so, for his
misogyny, his syphilitic rants and the fact that his philosophy was often
mistakenly accused of presaging the Third Reich.

I have to admit, though, that reading his books, way back when, I was
astounded by how closely his view of the world and possibilities aligned
with mine.

Problem is, it’s complicated. So I’ll attach Mr. Barzun’s precis here. This
is (part of) what I believe.